Christoph’s Top 3 Craft Books On Writing & Other Pretentious Bullshit

Because I am so prolific and brilliant; I decided to share my writing secrets which is really just reading the hell out of 3 craft books and talking to this director dude at a diner for brunch on Saturdays. Character & Preimse http://www.amazon.com/Art-Dramatic-Writing-Creative-Interpretation/dp/1163161586/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1347635359&sr=1-1&keywords=the+art+of+dramatic+writing+its+basis+in+the+creative+interpretation+of+human+motives This book is great. It is a keep in the bathroom kind […]

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The French Girl Who Really Loved Birds

I had been in Muenster, Germany for 4 days and I was drunk as fuck for all four. It was day 5 and I was staying at hostel above a porn store and wanted to go clubbing that night. Around 10:30 PM I drunk-bicycled to some Euro trashy club and ended up making out with […]

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Chris Isaak’s ‘Wicked Game’ Music Video Was Very Misleading

This video screwed me so bad in the love department. I saw this at 12 and it gave me a well-sized boner but even bigger romantic expectations. In innocence, I watched this video while eating my grandma’s delicious home-made pasta & I just assumed all dudes named Chris will meet hot chicks in tropical settings […]

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Porn Store Poem: Wu-Tang for White Boys

At the porn store, an older black man would always come in wearing a Chinese Ninja hat looking like The RZA’s grandfather. Never knew his name but referred to him as Wu-Tang for White Boys. He had a specific fetish for seeing black women having sex with white men. He shared to me, “When they […]

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Why Did Peyton Manning Pick Denver: A Psychological Sports Essay

Peyton picking the Broncos over The Niners is where I need to put on my sports psychology hat. Does Peyton want to win a championship? Of course and the Niners were clearly the best option for him to achieve that goal: Great coach, great defense, great tight end, a receiver who though a douchebag (isn’t […]

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A Manifesto For American Artists (This Will Be Better Received In Europe)

Pick Your Battles. We are in a capitalist country and guess what, no matter how many rallies and percentage points we talk about that is not going to change. In America, we are never going to be socialists. This country was founded by joyless Puritans and as artists we need to accept that and practice […]

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Dear Jonathan Franzen (Free Kindle If You Read This)

http://tinyurl.com/7ojjfcc ‘Ebooks are not for serious readers’ Look Jonathan, I like ya, and for the most part I am on your team; you write great literary novels-a goal I want to achieve one day. ‘Freedom’ (3rd act issues aside) was really fucking good, but dude, come on, it’s easy to say shit like this when […]

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