Christoph’s Top 3 Craft Books On Writing & Other Pretentious Bullshit

Because I am so prolific and brilliant; I decided to share my writing secrets which is really just reading the hell out of 3 craft books and talking to this director dude at a diner for brunch on Saturdays. Character & Preimse http://www.amazon.com/Art-Dramatic-Writing-Creative-Interpretation/dp/1163161586/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1347635359&sr=1-1&keywords=the+art+of+dramatic+writing+its+basis+in+the+creative+interpretation+of+human+motives This book is great. It is a keep in the bathroom kind […]

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Jaleel White’s (Urkel) Agent Pitches Him Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus

Setting: A posh coffee shop, in L.A.; Jaleel White aka Steve Urkel walks in to meet his agent Josh Weinstein. Agent: Jaleel. Look at you. Handsome as ever. How is life?” Jaleel: Mother fucking hard. The royalty checks they are not enough more. Why are we at this place? I hate this place. Agent: What […]

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Transcript of The New Jersey JuggalosB4Hoes Chat Room

ThatIsNotClownMakeUpOnYourFaceItsMyCum: Hey fags, stop sucking each other’s dicks and listen the fuck up! The greatest musical act in the galaxy is coming to Jersey. That is right cockwads! the Insane fucking Clown Posse! Ever since I saw it posted on their MySpace Page I have been waking up with a raging boner. SlimShadySucksDicksJuggalo4ForLife: New Jersey […]

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Pitchfork Indie Rock Intern Interviews Tyga About ‘Rack City’

*Author’s Note, if you are unfamiliar with the awesome crunkness of the rap artist Tyga please watch his video Rack City. If you have already, watch it again, enjoy the booties and then enjoy this leaked interview between him and Pitchfork. Pitchfork: Thank you Tyga for coming, we are glad you are taking the time […]

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Robert Frost Can Fuck Off

There are always poems about a grand road A choice of magnitude & grand symbolism, But what if the right road is the boring one The one without the crazy hitchhikers Or the road kill, but the one were you don’t Speed, the music is easy listening And it is more important to keep Going […]

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You Gave Me Blow Jobitis

You gave me Blow Jobitis. I lay mummified wrapped up in Quicksilver bed sheets wondering if Cleopatra ever gave head this good. Did Shakespeare write Sonnets cause his Montague sword was polished with the Cap- ulet fury you forced upon me? You made me make moans that were soliloquies singing to the sound of your […]

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Hustle & Fly: The Story Of Pasquale The Pigeon Pimp.

Bitches ain’t shit but hoes & breadsticks. That is on the real, mother fuckers; I’ve been pigeon pimping since a nigga’s feathers turned red. Shit…while all these other herb birds are hanging in the park shitting on statues I’m flying to the back alley behind Nino’s pizzeria on St. Marks. It’s dem breadsticks’ yo, my […]

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The French Girl Who Really Loved Birds

I had been in Muenster, Germany for 4 days and I was drunk as fuck for all four. It was day 5 and I was staying at hostel above a porn store and wanted to go clubbing that night. Around 10:30 PM I drunk-bicycled to some Euro trashy club and ended up making out with […]

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5 Theories Why Men Do Not Throw Away The Toilet Paper Roll

Through great research, meditation, and personal behavior I have garnered the top 5 theories why men do not throw away the toilet paper roll–this has no relation or correlation to paper towels. Theory 1: Behavioral Psychology: Forgetfulness Men are lazy and in the bathroom we are focused other stuff, specifically, things on our phone: ESPN, […]

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The Good Kind of Hell

Sometimes attraction is everything–it is mutual: I am a white boy needing a Magnum; she is something from the east that George Harrison would approve of looking like an extra in an MIA music video. She likes that I am a musician; they all like that I am musician. I like her body, she eats […]

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