5 Theories Why Men Do Not Throw Away The Toilet Paper Roll

Through great research, meditation, and personal behavior I have garnered the top 5 theories why men do not throw away the toilet paper roll–this has no relation or correlation to paper towels.

Theory 1: Behavioral Psychology: Forgetfulness

Men are lazy and in the bathroom we are focused other stuff, specifically, things on our phone: ESPN, CBS SPORTSLINE, Real Clear Politics, Fantasy Football, Video Games, & Words With Friends. The laziness and forgetfulness is not out of malice; we end up seeing something about Lebron, Drew Brees’ contract, a chance at a high score, a fantasy football trade, and our focus goes to that moment and we literally forget to throw it away.

Theory 2: Freudian Psychology: Something to Put Our Penis Into

Some days we feel bad and we just want to accomplish something to make us feel better about ourselves. Fitting our penis through the toilet paper rolling and seeing the head pop out to the other side is a healthy and productive way to do that; it is like a physical affirmation that can be repeated over and over again that boosts our self-esteem(if we are equipped with size to pass the TP Test–this is only an activity for average length to above average penis size length men. Also men with above average girth can enjoy not fitting into it the same way.)

Theory 3: Feminist Psychology: Asserting Patriarchy Through Toilet Paper Roll

In a 21st century of women starting to receive ‘more’ equality to men which frightens some men who cling to Patriarchy and the leaving of The Toilet Paper Roll is symbolic protest of the sexes becoming more equal. The toilet paper roll empty but still staying on the holder says, ‘you can get my job, but you can’t get me to throw away the roll-that is your job even if you take mine’.

Theory 4: Existential Psychology: Passive Aggressive & Symbolic

Why should we have to throw it away? Why is there not a trash can there? Why do we have to go to work today? Life is not fair and the empty toilet roll is a symbol of the abyss we feel in our souls. It comforts us to know another thing exists with an emptiness that mirrors our own. The empty toilet paper roll is Fight Club, Tim Allen, and The New York Mets in a 5 inch cylinder cardboard; a work of art not to be thrown away but to stay with us in our loneliest moment.

Theory 5: Evolutionary Psychology: Left Over Caveman Traits

Like animals, leaving the empty toilet paper roll could be a left over trait from our cavemen days to marking our territory after we have done our business. We could have used dinosaur bones to tell other caveman don’t go 1 or 2 here, this is my spot and I will beat you with this bone if you take my outhouse. The cardboard roll could tap this left over trait to mark territory and subconsciously we are following a genetic adaptation we have yet to outgrow.

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