The French Girl Who Really Loved Birds

I had been in Muenster, Germany for 4 days and I was drunk as fuck for all four. It was day 5 and I was staying at hostel above a porn store and wanted to go clubbing that night. Around 10:30 PM I drunk-bicycled to some Euro trashy club and ended up making out with […]

Continue Reading →

Leave a Comment

5 Theories Why Men Do Not Throw Away The Toilet Paper Roll

Through great research, meditation, and personal behavior I have garnered the top 5 theories why men do not throw away the toilet paper roll–this has no relation or correlation to paper towels. Theory 1: Behavioral Psychology: Forgetfulness Men are lazy and in the bathroom we are focused other stuff, specifically, things on our phone: ESPN, […]

Continue Reading →

Leave a Comment

The Good Kind of Hell

Sometimes attraction is everything–it is mutual: I am a white boy needing a Magnum; she is something from the east that George Harrison would approve of looking like an extra in an MIA music video. She likes that I am a musician; they all like that I am musician. I like her body, she eats […]

Continue Reading →

Leave a Comment

The Costco Couple

The Coscto Couple helping each other out, giving shoulder rubs while they wait, switching lines so they can get home sooner, cook dinner, have Saturday night sex, and drift off falling to sleep to Saturday Night Live. They’re both nice & attractive, making sure to buy full stocks of fish oil & skin moisturizer next […]

Continue Reading →

1 Comments

Christoph’s Post-Coitious Etiquette For Men

SEX UNDER 2 MINUTES: Apology, Get Cup of Water, Back Massage You owe her an apology and then you need to get her a cup of water. You did not even earn the right to spoon and rest in silence. After she drinks her water in disappointment you must give her a back massage and […]

Continue Reading →

1 Comments

Wet Pillow Writes Emo Song While Listening to CNN

If not familiar with the musical power house Wet Pillow please click on the link below to learn the origin of the greatest emo-band of Orlando, Florida. http://thepassionofthechristoph.com/2011/12/31/lets-start-a-band-in-2005-the-origin-of-wet-pillow/ In 2006, Wet Pillow smoked a bowl and left on the news trying to write a hit emo song…they never made it to the 2nd verse: Stephanie […]

Continue Reading →

Leave a Comment

Chris Isaak’s ‘Wicked Game’ Music Video Was Very Misleading

This video screwed me so bad in the love department. I saw this at 12 and it gave me a well-sized boner but even bigger romantic expectations. In innocence, I watched this video while eating my grandma’s delicious home-made pasta & I just assumed all dudes named Chris will meet hot chicks in tropical settings […]

Continue Reading →

1 Comments

A Poem by The Montana Zionist Foundation

How do you solve the Israel-Palestine Conflict? A situation, no excuse me, a problem that gives power to that fretful word Quagmire, no, not the pervert from Family guy, a sticky situation. Israel had some damn good real estate agents. Land promised by God, then promised by the British. In a sense God was an […]

Continue Reading →

Leave a Comment

Porn Store Poem: Wu-Tang for White Boys

At the porn store, an older black man would always come in wearing a Chinese Ninja hat looking like The RZA’s grandfather. Never knew his name but referred to him as Wu-Tang for White Boys. He had a specific fetish for seeing black women having sex with white men. He shared to me, “When they […]

Continue Reading →

Leave a Comment

Cowabunga: A Reworking of Mona Lisa

As someone who just wrote ‘The Infinite Jest of Picking Porn Titles’ I can support this low & high art mixing of Mona Lisa The Suicide Girl. Though I think which ever Ninja Turtle Artist did this would not support this piece, I think this is artistic evolution in the right direction. The Ninja Turtle […]

Continue Reading →

Leave a Comment