Why Did Peyton Manning Pick Denver: A Psychological Sports Essay

Peyton picking the Broncos over The Niners is where I need to put on my sports psychology hat. Does Peyton want to win a championship? Of course and the Niners were clearly the best option for him to achieve that goal: Great coach, great defense, great tight end, a receiver who though a douchebag (isn’t […]

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What is Friendship?

Dancing at St. Ex while sick with a combo of the swine flu and death by…damn I am to sick to come up with good metaphors. What is this poem is really about, is a man staying past 2AM with what feels like the bird flu, because his friend met a pretty girl and he […]

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A Manifesto For American Artists (This Will Be Better Received In Europe)

Pick Your Battles. We are in a capitalist country and guess what, no matter how many rallies and percentage points we talk about that is not going to change. In America, we are never going to be socialists. This country was founded by joyless Puritans and as artists we need to accept that and practice […]

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Hippie Hypocrites & Their Stupid Kids: A Misanthropic Limerick

69’ Died, but we got cell phones, Charged with Purple Haze, cool ring-tones As we found Disco, sprinkled it with coke, And San Francisco went up in black smoke As Free Love is replaced with my pornography So my children don’t get any pesky STD But hey, I marched in DC, I believed in something, […]

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God Took My Parking Space

Man is at his worst and most vulnerable, when he feels unsafe. Nothing exacerbates that feeling more than the University of Central Florida Parking space quest— specifically, between the time of Noon and One O’Clock. No other action causes man to gain or lose faith in a Higher Power. You say you’re a Christian or […]

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Mitt Romney’s Speech…On Truth Serum

Geez Louise, Republicans, what do I have to do to get you people to vote for me? Is it really the Mormon thing? Look, I really don’t believe in anything! So, please don’t hold the Mormon thing against me; I really wish I was born a regular Christian it would poll so much better but […]

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