Christoph Visits Speakers’ Corner in London

I can remember the carnival of sounds…

Speakers’ Corner in London
where anyone
can talk about anything
except the Queen,
for that would be undignified.

On that early Sunday,
I heard the first speaker say,
“God is dead, we are
all just Gorillas,
where the Europeans apes
have surpassed
the African ones.”

I asked him how did he even come up
with such a stupid theory.
He remained polite, gave me a thoughtful nod
and said, “Nietzsche and science books.”
As a fan of both I felt saddened,
but told him, “Well, you are first racist
I met that likes to read. I’m from Florida.”

He then told me he could see
the strength of my Italian blood
and that Mussolini was ‘truly a great man’.
I said, “Um Thanks, but that doesn’t
make you any less wrong or racist.”

He responded in a dignified tone,
“Well, we will just have to agree to disagree like gentleman.”
He then wished me a good day, gave me a strange bow
showing me that British White Supremacists are just
as stupid as the American Ones—just way more polite.

I left the well read racist and walked over
to a tall blond man preaching for a large crowd.
He was holding a Bible, wearing wranglers &
a cowboy hat, and a big cross around his neck.
He called himself the Christian Cowboy
and had an American ancient that sounded Texan.

He said he was done preaching but wasn’t done with the Lord’s Work
and that we should all follow him into battle.
We did, until we arrived in front of a group of Islamic Fundamentalists.
Three of them preached for the need for Sharia Law in England.
As they quoted a verse in the Quran,
The cowboy started to laugh and heckle them,
calling them Satan’s fools and terrorists.
The leader was a young Muslim man with a prepubescent beard
he said the Christian was the fool and should feel shame.
The cowboy responded that the boy should be ashamed
because he can’t grow a good beard for Allah.

I left the holy war and walk toward a
short bald man waving his hands and screaming
how sexism was good and he was proud misogynist.
I heard him share the wisdom that all men are stupid these days
because there are too many female teachers.
He said the worst thing was American Lesbians
had reached England because the L-Word was in syndication.
He ranted for another 20 minutes till he finally
admitted it had been really long time since he had gotten laid.

As his soapbox turned from misogynist to trying to get sympathy sex
I left the misogynist to a more moderate sized crowd.
There was a clean cut looking man in his thirties
praising the practice of being a Vegetarian.
He gave clear cut solutions that would
stop world hunger, help you lose weight, and the harm of animals…
It was the most sensible thing I heard so far
but his voice was very monotone
and he didn’t have much stage presence
as the small crowd nodded and a few yawned.
I noticed most of them kept looking to his right
where a British black man was wearing a what looked like
a Burger King Crown and the United Kingdom flag like a Superman Cape.

As he talked about the dangers of cow flatulence,
The small group scattered away till we reached
the self-proclaimed Caped Conservative.
He welcomed us but said we are most likely ignorant peasants
who didn’t realize that the only way to restore England’s greatness
would be to make George W Bush prime minster of England.

He spoke with great passion on why Dubya was
one of the greatest leaders in the history of Western Civilization
and England should make him a dual citizen and even King.
Most laughed at him but an older American woman
gave me a concerned look and then grabbed my arm said,
“I’ m really concerned for him…
I think he’s the craziest out of all them.”


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