Dear Stephen King (A Letter From The American Adverb Association)

A Letter To Stephen King

From The American Adverb Association:

We read your book ‘On Writing’. It wasn’t bad, there was some useful stuff in it, and for the most part we enjoyed it. But then we got to THE CHAPTER! You know the one! Let’s just say right off the bat that we are deeply disappointed! Yes, Us! And yes, ‘deeply’ was the right word—it worked to show exactly how disappointed we were.

Sir, we are extremely, completely and utterly fucking pissed off! Not a little a pissed, but not every drop of urine in the world pissed, just enough to fill up an outside port-a-potty, or as we like to say, ‘extremely fucking pissed’! But no!!! The word with the ‘ly’ at the end should be thrown out. In your world, you’d have us eaten by one of your slightly scary monsters, maybe you’d feed us to the brown goo in The Raft Episode of Creepshow 2, which was awfully scary…Huh, is that an adverb or an insult—you decide Mr. King!

But guess what Stephen? Do you know who we are good enough for? Who loves us endearingly—Tolstoy. That’s right! Go read Anna Karenina, it’s terrifically awesome writing, and guess what? He uses us! He uses us amazingly! He leans on us and his sentences stand strong because of us…speaking of The Stand—wasn’t that your one and only truly good book. Ooooh, does that burn majorly or slightly?

Your attacks on us have made us intensely enraged! We can not hold back our rightfully resentful emotions! You owe us and the American readers a deeply felt apology! You have ignorantly dismissed the ‘Ly’s of Life’ that light up the lines of all white pages.

For we are the common man’s gray areas!
The smart man’s time savers!
And the fast reader’s running start!
We belong on the page, we most certainly we do!

For we are The American Adverb Association!
And we will not go quietly!
And you will certainly hear from us again!

Definitely!
Absolutely!
Positively!

Sincerely,
The American Adverb Association

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1 Comments ↓

One Comment on “Dear Stephen King (A Letter From The American Adverb Association)”

  1. pozycjonowanie krakow January 27, 2012 at 1:55 pm #

    I really like your writing style, superb information, thanks for putting up :D.

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